I’ll be honest, I’ve not exactly been looking forward to this birthday and have been struggling to come to terms with getting closer to 30. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t acctually think I’m “old” by any means, it’s just that time has gone so quick and it’s incredibly unsettling – I haven’t acheived everything that I thought I would have by now.
Life just really isn’t as simple as I though it would be, but I’ve sure learnt a lot on the way, so before I start rambling too much, let’s jump straight in to the 28 life lessons that I’ve learnt in 28 years!
Too much stress is actually physically unhealthy. I’ve always been a stressed out and anxious person, so I’m well aware of the physical side effects this causes, but I never really considered the long term health effects until a few years ago – it’s quite scary what too much stress can do your body over time, so it’s important to keep it in check.
That being said, your health is your number one priority. My mum always used to say to me that as long as I had my health, everything else was secondary and I didn’t really get it until we were hit by the recent pandemic. Since then, I’ve really started to appreciate my health and am more active in trying to look after myself.
That means you need to look after yourself. Drink the water, brush your teeth, eat vegetables and wash your face. Once you get past 25, you’ll only regret all those times you didn’t.
Life really is short. Unfortunately, I think this is something that only really rings true after losing a loved one. It’s one of those things we all sort of know, but until I have to say that until I experienced a family member passing away, it never seemed real.
Time waits for no one. Similarly, time won’t ever stop, no matter what you’re going through. If you want to acheive something, don’t wait!
You can’t plan life. You just can’t! You can plan for the short term of course, and I guess have an idea as to what you wish to get out of life, but you definitely can’t plan it all out perfectly.
It’s ok not to be ok. Just know when to reach out and ask for help when you need it.
It’s also ok if you don’t actually know what to do with life. Just like you can’t plan it all out, it’s ok if you don’t even have a clue where to start.
When you do know what you want to do, do everything you can to work towards it – don’t procrastinate! I spent years putting things off and I often wonder where I could have got to, if I just just got on and done the things I wanted to.
People can be amazing, they’re not always scary. I spent so much of my life being afraid of other people, when there really is no need. Sure, people can be as crap as they are awesome, but those people don’t matter anyway.
Travel, travel, and travel again – and do it solo! Most of these life lessons I learnt while travelling solo to be honest, there’s so much to be said for giving it a go on your own, although I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t find it terrifying.
Money isn’t the be all and end all, but it certainly helps. I used to feel like you had to be super rich to make it but that really isn’t the case. Not everything costs money and you can get a lot done on a shoestring! That being said…
Budget wisely. It took me a long time to figure out how to budget properly to make my monthly pay last, and that’s when money becomes stressful! There’s a difference between not needing to spend much, and not actually having enough to buy food. Now I always make sure I budget properly for the month and can still save some too.
Material things don’t matter in the end.
BUT if it makes you happy at the time, and you can afford it, go for it and buy the things!
It CAN be fun to drink and not everyone is an awful drunk. I had some unfortunate experiences with alcohol growing up and for a long time was convinced that drinking turned everyone in to the absolute Devil. Then I found a cocktail I liked and realised you can just get a little tipsy and have a good time, you don’t need to take it too far.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Before I discovered a drink that I liked, I didn’t drink at all and got a lot of stick for it. I stuck to my guns though until I was ready and honestly I’m glad I didn’t give in to peer pressure – if there’s one lesson I could pass on it would probably be this one.
In the grand scheme of things, no one else cares about what you do. Of course, people do CARE, and I don’t want this to sound harsh in any way but when you look at the bigger picture, we’re all looking out for number one.
On that note, dress for YOU. Who cares if it’s not “on trend”, or if other people don’t like it. Wear what makes you feel good.
A few, really good friends is way better than lots and lots of acquaintances. I spent many years through school being upset over not having many friends, and my mum also telling me that as long as I had a few good friends then that’s all that matters. Why are mum’s always right?!
Similarly, you can’t make everyone like you. Stop trying!
You can’t regret the choices that you made in the past, as they were right for you at the time. I vividly remember having to go to the Army Careers office a few years ago to collect my rejection letter. I tried SO hard not to cry but was so upset. The reason I was rejected was due to a medical issue that had only developed that year. I SO regretted not applying when I had originally wanted to a few years before that, as then I might have got in – the officer told me that I couldn’t regret it because I made the choice that was right for me at the time. It took me a long time to actually agree with him, but it’s definitely true.
Education is a priviledge. I’m sure I’m not the only one who spent most of my school life despising school and not really appreciating my time there. Unfortunately, you could have never convinced me at the time but years later I realised I should have made the most of it.
You can’t run from your problems. No matter how far away you go, the problems will be right there waiting when you get back.
You can’t control everything, only how you deal with it all. It’s so easy to worry about things we cannot control, but what’s the point in worrying baout it if you can’t actually change it? All we can do is focus on is how to deal with it. That was something else I really realised during the pandemic: I was SO worried about everything going on in the world, but finally I ended up realising that I can’t do anything about it in the grand scheme of things, only how I cope and respond personally.
A postive mental attitude is everything. Although that doesn’t mean you have to happy all the time, no one is happy all of the time!
Everything happens for a reason. I’m not saying it’s all fate or anything, but honestly I do believe everything does happen for a reason, even though it doesn’t always feel like it at the time.
Finally, it really WILL all be ok. I promise.
It’s safe to say, just this year alone I have learnt so much about life in general, and I’m sure I’ve got a lot more to learn in the next 28 years – whatever they may bring! It’s been a bumpy ride, but I’m definitely proud for how far I’ve come.
Let me know in the comments what you’ve learnt about life recently and come back soon for the next post in my Trek America series.
This post contains links to other sites and social media posts, none are affiliate and I haven’t been asked to share these, it’s just what I have personally found helpful. Any links to resources have not been created by me unless stated otherwise.
I always intended to eventually use my blog to discuss important topics, as well as travel and lifestyle. The name “Watt The Blog” is a play on words with my name and “what the fuck” – the idea being to discuss my weekly WTF moments – I think we can agree that the world is one big WTF right now. However, I’ve found myself waiting for “the right time”, until I develop my writing skills and to have a bigger following, but… why wait?
Last week, I, along with many other White people, had to face up to the fact that we have an undeniable privilege that we haven’t been putting to good use.
Racism doesn’t just come in the form that first comes to mind, which is why a lot of us defensively state we are simply not racist. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple: the fact is that racism is a spectrum and right now, society is inherently racist against Black people. This means that, without always meaning to be, we have all been guilty of a form of racism and I won’t believe you if you try to argue otherwise. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that if you’re reading this, you’re certainly not outwardly and overtly racist, but I’m also sure that you’re in the same boat as me in realising that things are complicated and we need to do much, much better. So, what next? Here is what I’ve learnt so far about how we need to step up.
Apologise and be willing to accept our White privilege
Without making this about me, (another thing many of us are guilty of doing, albeit without necessarily meaning to) here are my apologies:
I am so sorry that I had not recognised my privilege up until now. I have now realised what it is to have White privilege and accept the responsibility that comes with it.
I am sorry for ever thinking that I understand, when I could never understand what it means to face racism on a daily basis. The most (or least) I can do is stand in unity.
I am sorry for not understanding what Black Lives Matter meant up until now, and for previously taking the “don’t all lives matter?” stance. If you’re still not sure on this, the point is that all lives DO matter, but right now Black lives are being taken and treated as though they DON’T matter. All lives can’t actually matter until Black lives do too.
I am sorry for not being actively anti-racist and for thinking that simply being “not racist” was enough.
Stop trying to be a perfect ally
Many have said they didn’t want to write a post until they knew how to properly address the subject and that it can feel like you can’t do right for wrong at the moment. However, it’s better to speak up and get it wrong, than to say nothing at all. We will need to accept that we may get called out, if we approach something from the wrong angle perhaps, but then if we do, to listen and learn and adjust our thinking.
This is a learning curve for many of us but at the end of the day, it’s a problem that needs to be fixed, which simply cannot be done by Black people alone. As James Corden said recently – “how can the Black community dismantle a problem that they didn’t create?”
Listen and learn
I highly recommend that you check out this link for the BLM card – these are more related to America but still relevant. If you’re from the UK like me then this article is also really helpful. If you have found any other useful links, please do share in the comments!
The learning curve is continuous. It’s vital to keep reading, watching, listening and learning until long after the protests have died down. This isn’t just a one time thing, or a social media trend. Although social media has been brilliant recently for sharing knowledge and I honestly feel that I’ve learnt more in the past week or so, than I ever did in school.
A few people also started sharing their favourite Black content creators and I can honestly say that I have found some new firm favourites that I can’t believe I wasn’t following before. It wasn’t until it was pointed out that I realised I didn’t follow many Black creators and so therefore my feeds and the information I was receiving wasn’t very diverse. In turn, the voices and opinions I had been sharing were of fellow White people. Although, something else I noticed too, was that I had actually been following some of these accounts already but they had then been drowned out by all the White content I was following. Diversify your feed and you won’t regret it – listen to what Black creators have to say, learn and share too. I particularly appreciated that Kelsey in London shared her favourite creators with under 10,000 followers, which means they don’t have a swipe up link, so it’s harder for them to share information.
There are lots of places you can donate to, and lots of worthwhile petitions. This is a list of just some petitions, as well as a few zip codes you can use if needed. Once you’ve signed and/or donated, share the links too and keep the momentum going, I cannot reiterate this enough. Something to note though, don’t donate directly to the Change website when signing their petitions, as the funds will go to their promotion, rather than to an actual charity or funding page that needs your help more.
If you’re tight on money right now (many of us are and that’s ok) there are lots of videos on YouTube that you can watch, and then all the revenue will be donated – there is a whole Twitter thread of videos. This is another video too.
You’ve seen the word “share” countless times in this post I know, but seriously share any resources you have found helpful. Share links to petitions and donation pages, share the books your reading, the shows you’re watching, most importantly share the voices of your favourite Black content creators/authors/actors and of your Black friends. It really doesn’t matter how many followers you have, just speak up and support those that need it.
Continue to advocate change OFFLINE
The work online is only a small part of what we need to do. The harder part comes offline in the difficult conversations with friends and family who may have not seen, or noticed, what you’re sharing online.
Something I hadn’t even considered this week on my sharing sprees, was that social media is an echo chamber. The people you follow, and those who follow you, already agree with you. It’s your racist uncle (for example) who needs talking to, it’s the favourite brands that you buy from that need looking in to. When was the last time you considered how diverse a company was before buying from them? I know I sure as hell have buried my head in the sand up until now.
How about where you work… Have you ever questioned racism in your workplace? In my industry we’re lucky enough to be extremely racially diverse but many, many places are not. Advocate changes in every part of your life, not just online.
Continue to work and recognise how to do better
I’m under no illusions and know that I have a lot more work to do, as well as a lot more to learn but right now I believe that what’s most important is to think about how to move forward. What will you do now? Will you simply move on and go back to the way things were, or will you continue to actively be anti racist for the rest of your life?
Something that struck a chord with me this week was that Black people continue to live like this and fight for their rights every single day, for their whole lives, there are no days off. Black people, and those of other ethnic minorities, do not get to take a break from talking or thinking about racism. So if we’re stepping up as White people, we need to make the commitment to stand along side them, for the rest of our lives.
Thank you for reading – I hope this can help at least one other person!
Well, who else can’t believe that we’re about to go into June?! This year has been one hell of a bumpy ride so far and certainly not one we’ll forget, but hey, at least it’s going quickly?! Normally, I wouldn’t want time to pass by so fast but this year I’m taking it as a positive and hoping that next year can only be better.
I’ve certainly gained a whole new perspective recently and have really started to consider what’s important in life. May in particular seems to have been a month of reflection for me, so I thought I’d share what I’ve been thinking about, as well as the goals I have set for June.
I’ve realised recently just how much I enjoy blogging and would definitely like this to take off one day. I’m under no illusion that it will happen quickly and I’ve got a lot of work to do, but it’s still nice to have a hobby to work on after a tough day at work, as well as a big goal to work towards!
Publishing this blog means that I’ve finally managed to implement a blogging schedule that allows me to post weekly, although let’s save the celebrations for a another couple of weeks just in case. Consistent posting was my first goal for my blog and so far has been my biggest struggle for a number of reasons:
Procrastinating – I’ve realised this month that I spend all my time doing the wrong things. My biggest downfall is Instragram and I end up spending hours aimlessly scrolling on there, instead of writing and working on my blog. The thing is, I’ve found Instragram to be an easy platform to grow on, even though I get the least amount of blog views via Instagram, so I found myself stuck in a rut of procrastination, whilst telling myself I was working on my blog… I clearly wasn’t!
Lack of time – Time can short for me… I have a full time job (keyworker, woohoo!), a house to keep clean, a puppy to look after, as well as friends, family and a boyfriend that I can’t just neglect to spend all of my time on my little corner of the internet. That being said, I’ve realised that it’s not necessarily a complete lack of time, but more a lack of utilising the time that I do have.
Daydreaming – I’m a sucker for getting lost in a daydream, I always have been and probably always will be! Unfortunately though, I keep everything in my head and just think about all the things I want to do, rather than getting on and doing them. Sometimes I might make it as far as making a list but even then I still don’t really get on with it.
So, after all that deep self reflection… these points bring me to my goals for June, and beyond:
Just DO – It’s ok to daydream but those ideas need to be put to paper and worked on. It’s not just my blog, even at home I will write a list of things that need to be done, then just daydream the day away without doing any of it… so less procrastinating! I won’t say that I’ll stop altogether, because let’s face it, I probably won’t.
Set smaller goals – I think part of the reason that I struggle to get things done (blogging or otherwise) is that I often set myself too big a challenge or goal. I will write a mammoth to do list and then beat myself up if I don’t acheive everything on it… then I feel so disheartened that it makes me want to give up. I’m sure if I spread these tasks throughout the week and worked on smaller goals and to do lists, I will be able to utilise my time more.
Switch off sometimes – Sometimes I get sucked in to everything and forget that blogging is my hobby and an outlet, not an extra thing to get stressed out over. I have enough worry in life, without getting worked up over the fun things too! Throughout June, I’ll be setting aside some time each week to switch off and remember the real world. This means not scrolling through Instragram and doing something off of a screen instead (I’ve got so many books to read for starters) and I’m fairly certain I’ll be thanking myself in the long run.
Overall, I’m looking forward to what June has to bring. I turn 28 this month too, so come back next week to read the 28 things I’ve learnt in 28 years!
Let me know in the comments what your goals are for June and I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Welcome back to my Trek America series! We’re going to dive back in to the first half of my trip, which covers things to know about travelling with Trek and my highlights of the West! Please do go and check out my previous post if you haven’t already, otherwise, let’s get to it.
There are links on this post but none are affliate, all views are my own and I’ve received no form of payment for this post, I just do it for fun!
If you haven’t travelled with Trek America before, then something for you to know is that there is a food kitty on the camping trips. Everyone in the group chips in $10 a day, then every day there’s stop for food shopping.
For me at 20 years old, American supermarkets were a huge novelty and to be honest, doing the food shops were just as fun as any other activity. So, the first stop once the group was introducted… Walmart! Now is the time to stock up on snacks for the road and for the group to get food ready for the next few days. There was a box of group snacks in the bus – I’ll never forget how obsessed the Korean girls in the group were with Nutrigrain bars, we got through so many!
We also stocked up on cereals, fruit and things for sandwhichs, as there’s often a picnic lunch stop – another thing that sticks with me is how everyone else pronouned Nutella. I can only assume it’s becuase they learnt English from Americans and so the accent ends up distorted, so they kept saying NOOT-ella, which (as a huge NUTella fan) really botered me, so finally one day I had to explain why they were saying it wrong, but they still didn’t get it! You can also buy anything you want for yourself of course, so it’s safe to say that no one ever has to go hungry.
Ordinarily on the camping trips with Trek, the group is split up in to teams so that cooking, washing up and cleaning the van can all be shared out. Perhaps it’s just my memory but on this trip we didn’t really do that, to my relief. I had been so nervous about needing to cook with a group of strangers as I cannot cook at all, let alone under such pressure and all with camping equipment. I also used to be really fussy about food, I guess that’s why I never really learnt to cook properly, but also it meant I was really worried about not liking any of the food. Luckily, “C” was happy to do most of the cooking and everyone just chipped in where they could and we all took turns to clean up after. It worked well doing it this way, only being a short trip – I’ve since been on a longer adventure with Trek America so I can see why being split into Teams works!
San Diego
We left LA after not seeing much at all, but knew we would do a day of sightseeing at the end of the trip so it wasn’t a big deal. If I was doing the trip now then I would want an extra day or 2 to see more of LA and hit a few bars, however I was only 20 at the time and certainly not brave enough to have tagged on any extra time alone.
Anyway, after the food shop was done, we headed to our first stop – San Diego! I sat with “S” on the bus and we also agreed to be camping buddies. I was very grateful to have met “S” prior to the trip as this was another thing that really worried me, a bit like being picked for teams at school, all I had thought before the trip was “what if no one wants to share a tent with me?!” However, everyone generally gravitates towards someone early on and it’s amazing how quickly you all bond with each other anyway.
Of course, things are slightly awkward in the group for the first part of the drive… who do you talk to? What do you say? Part of the Leader’s job though is to get you all talking and before you know it, snacks are being passed around and you’re on the way to making lifelong friends. Whoever sits in front also gets to be DJ and I find that music is another thing to get people talking. “C” was also very knowledgable and told us all about what to expect on our trip as well lots of information about our surroundings – you could definitely tell he was a seasoned traveller and we all listened intently.
After a 120 mile drive, we arrived at our first campsite of the trip – Campland on the Bay – and it was nothing like I had imagined. I’d completely expected to be dumped in a field somewhere with no toilets but I was wrong! Not only were there normal toilets, there were showers, laundry facilities and even a pool, although of course this was mid-winter and so there was no intention of using that. There were proper little areas available to set up camp and lots of RVs about – in case you can’t tell, I hadn’t had a lot of camping experience and hadn’t been to a proper campsite like this before! It turns out though, the vast majority of the camp sites on these trips have plenty of amenities available and if “wilderness” type camping isn’t for you, then you probably don’t need to worry. In fact, looking back now, I have stayed in much worse hostels and budget hotels than any of the campsites I’ve visited with Trek!
Now it was time for the fun part – putting up tents. Not pop up tents, proper tents. Another good thing to know if you’ve never travelled with Trek America before is that all the camping equipment is provided, with the exception of a sleeping bag, so I bought one especially for the trip. I had begrudgingly spent a fortune on an all weather fancy type of sleeping bag that packed up in a tiny little bag, however it was just as well as it turned out to be extremely cold at night, in a tent, in December! (Plus I’ve used it countless times since)
The tents each have a name, so you know you’ll have the same one each night. “S” and I went with Kermit and “C” gave us all a quick tutorial on putting the tents up and then the race was on. To my surprise, “S” and I were the first to get our tent up – lifetime achievement right there!
Of course… I took a photo!
After the rest of the camp was set up, we headed back out for a wander round and explore in San Diego.
Unfortunately, the weather wasn’t exactly on our side as it was quite grey and drizzly. However, we took a walk down Mission Beach anyway and I distinctly remember seeing a HUGE St Bernard I’m someone’s garden, which made my day. We then went for a wander round Belmont Park when it brightened up a bit. Myself, “S” and the token male of the trip, “M”, sat and got some drinks, and food to share, and watched people on the wave machine but none of us went on any rides.
After that, the group all went to Coronado Island for a spectacular view of the bridge, i.e. photo opportunity – the first of many to come. I’ll be completely honest, all I remember was that it was a really big bridge!
All in all, it was a very sedate first day of exploring. I’m not sure if it was the weather, time of year, first day nerves, or perhaps I just don’t remember it very well, but that first day really doesn’t stick out in my mind and I actually feel like I didn’t really get to experience San Diego. I’m certain though that if we had gone later in the trip, it would have been much more eventuful. So a tip for you if you’re thinking about booking with Trek America in future: the first day really is about getting to know each other and not a lot of exploring (in my personal experience of both trips I’ve done) so in that case, I would make sure that your first stop isn’t the one place you’re desperate to explore, just in case you end up disappointed. This isn’t to say that I was actually disappointed at all, because I wasn’t! For me, it was a lot to take in with being away from home with a group of total strangers, so the slow and easy pace of day one was perfect.
We headed back to camp for our first meal together – “C” cooked us tamales, which went down a treat. I’d worried that I wouldn’t like any food with being a fussy eater at the time, as well as a lack of appetite when I was nervous! I didn’t even know what tamales were before that day but I needn’t have been concerned as I certainly didn’t go hungry during the trip.
The first evening was lovely. We all chatted and got to know each other more, whilst eating our dinner. Then everyone helped clean up together and we basically just chatted until it got too cold to stay out.
Waking up in the tent for the first time, next to a relative stranger, was surreal. Even now, I really don’t like staying at other people’s houses and much prefer my own bed. I often have restless nights and wake up early, so I don’t know what to do with myelf if I’ve stayed at someone else’s house. Luckily, “S” and I seemed very in sync from the start and we were both early risers, which meant we could just get up for breakfast and get ready for the day ahead. There’s plenty of breakfast options available in the camp but I opted for a simple bowl of cereal most mornings. You may want to know that there are plently of early starts with Trek anyway, but it’s always worth it.
Today, it was a choice of San Diego Zoo or SeaWorld. My mind was made up way before the trip had even started, it HAD to be the Zoo. My favourite animal (non-pet) is a panda and this was going to be my first chance to see them in real life so I was unbelievably excited. The vast majority of the group opted to go to SeaWorld – I feel I should mention that this was pre-Blackfish and looking at the Trek America website now, it doesn’t seem to be mentioned anymore as an optional activity.
I had been a bit worried (a common theme here, don’t you think?) about wanting to be the only one that would want to go to the Zoo and didn’t want to miss out, but luckily “S” and “M” both opted to go, so it was the 3 of us again. I actually felt like a little bit of a third wheel by this point as I had a suspicion that “M” might have like “S” a little more than she liked him! Regardless, we went off to explore the zoo and I prewarned them both that I was VERY excited to see the pandas, especially as they had just had cubs!
The Zoo itself was as you’d expect really and a good day out if that’s what you like to do. We saw Gorrillas, Giraffes, Hippos… I do generally feel quite guilty going to any zoo, looking at the beautiful animals in their enclosures. However, San Diego is also a conservation organisation and so I hope that supporting them does all the right things.
Finally it was time to see my beloved pandas, but typically we were too early to see the cubs, they wouldn’t be out for the public to see until a couple of week later. However, there was one of those funny photo things before you go through, so we got a cute group photo of us all “holding” the cubs. I bought it in a little frame and I still have it to this day.
I was utterly thrilled see the pandas in real life but you’ll be pleased to know that I did manage to contain myself and did not cry. “M” and “S” were both happy enough to sit there for a while and it wasn’t completlely overrun with tourists as I had expected it to ne – bonus!
No trip to the Zoo is complete without a visit to the gift shop and seeing as I’d saved months for this trip, I went all out with the souvenirs along the way. I bought a Christmas zoo hoody, that I still have tucked away somewhere, and a cuddly panda to accompany me for the rest of the trip.
“C” picked us up after our day of wandering and the full group was reunited. From there we went for a wander round the Gaslamp Quarter, but as a few of us were under 21 and we had another early start, we called it a night after a leisurely stroll and opted for a chilled evening again back at camp.
The following morning, we dismantled camp for the first time, cleaning up and sweeping out the tents as we went – it’s all about team work!
Sanoran Desert
Our next destination was a spot along the Colorado River, a 370 mile drive away. Along the way, we stopped off at the Imperial Sand Dunes in the Sanoran Desert, the filming location for Tattooine in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.
Trek America is all about the photo ops and there was plenty to be had here. Group photos are encouraged at every stop and if you want a cool photo of yourself, it means you need to ask your new campmates, so it’s a quick way to get everyone bonding!
From there, we then arrived at the next campsite at Picacho Peak, which was honestly beautiful. We set up our tents right next to the river and it seemed like we were in for a peaceful evening… until the rain came.
It absolutely POURED it down, then thunder and lightning came too. Some of us hid in our tents, which had been plunged in to darkness at this point, “S” and I included! A few others braved the weather and stood under the shelter of the shower block in order to cook us dinner. We all ate huddled up together under said shelter, then called it another early night!
The next day was due to be an exciting one and by this point, I couldn’t believe how quick the trip was going.
Lake Pleasant
If you’ve done any research in to Trek America before now, you may have already heard about Betty and Rusty’s cowboy camp. The overnight stay here is exclusive to Trek and a firm “fan favourite”, and as soon as we arrived I could see why.
It’s set out in the middle of nowehere, and the only stop on our trip where there was no running water or electricity, but it didn’t matter. Even having to walk to the portaloo in the pitch black if you need a wee in the night is totally worth it for this completely unique stay.
We got acquainted with our hosts, who then matched us all up to a horse, ready for a 2 hour ride through the desert. I had little experience on a horse so was apprehensive about doing a long ride like this, but of course I wasn’t the only one and the guys at the camp, as well as the horses, do the trip daily and they all know exactly what they’re doing and where they’re going.
The ride was pure bliss, the only exception being the moment that my horse got too close to the one in front. This caused the horse in front to buck, then mine to rear, throwing me off! Luckily, I wasn’t hurt other than a bit of a bruised bum, so I laughed it off and got back on. It was just embarrassing more than anything, but everyone else was lovely and made sure I was ok. We were then also all highly amused as we had failed to notice that the horse that had bucked had managed to throw the girl forward slightly, her name can be “MJ”, so she wasn’t actually in the saddle anymore. We were a very obvious bunch of amateurs!
When we got back to camp, my legs had totally stiffened up and I had a bit of a cowboy walk going on, if you know what I mean!
A huge camp fire was set up and our lovely hosts cooked us a steak dinner, which was actually my first and it was delicious. We gathered round the fire for the evening, with hot coals under our seats to keep us warm. There were several dogs roaming round camp to keep us all company and I had this sudden feeling that I was on a real adventure, it was one of the best days of the entire trip. We went to be with full bellies and achey cheeks from all the laughs, with a promise of a real cowboy breakfast in the morning!
If the steak dinner was delicious, then I don’t even have a word for how good the breakfast was, I still actually think of it as one of the best meals of my life. We were served traditional biscuits and gravy, with egg and potatoes. It was so simple but honestly amazing – regardless of how strange it sounds to my English ears, as it definitely wasn’t my version of biscuits and gravy!
I’d go back just for this meal!
There were no showers at the camp, so we all left a little bit stinky but we were heading towards the luxury of a hotel for our first night at the Grand Canyon. Going to the hotel also meant the first bit of WiFi on the trip, so it was a chance to catch up with friends and family – I think the Facebook status I posted speaks for itself.
Just as a little FYI if you’re thinking about booking a tour with Trek in future, there is now WiFi on the buses but there wasn’t on this trip.
By now, I realised that my life had changed. I know that sounds ridiculously cheesy but it’s honestly the truth. I already knew before then that I wanted to travel but now it seemed like an acheivable passion, rather than a silly daydream of an anxious kid.
Stay tuned for the next instalment, including what NOT to do in Vegas, Christmas day in Death Valley, and finally seeing the sights of LA.
I’m going to come out and say it: I’ve suffered with anxiety for most of my life. When I was a teenager, I had frequent panic attacks, often cancelled plans with friends and made myself physically ill with stress and worry. As I grew up and saw more of the world, my panic attacks eased and, in many ways, I got “better”. Except, I wasn’t better at all, I’ve just learnt how to cope a bit more and function as an adult.
At the start of this year, I realised I finally needed help. The problem is that of course, I let my anxiety get in the way and now, we’re in the middle of a lockdown and the whole world is now in state of panic. The new “C” word understandably puts a knot in my stomach and I’m sure I’m not alone. Due to my work, I knew this was coming a couple of months ago and have therefore been an anxious wreck for some time. I now regret not getting any help before now and although I’m sure there’s still avenue available, it just doesn’t really seem feasible all the time we shouldn’t be leaving our homes – and whilst I’m too scared to do anything or go anywhere. I’ve come to appreciate my health and the need to look after ourselves, so as soon as it is safe to do so I will finally get the help I need.
This post isn’t about the “C” word though, and it’s not a complete story of my anxiety as to be honest, we’d be here quite some time. I thought that just for now, I could share with you some of the small things that make a difference to how I feel day to day:
Fresh air, or a walk if you can. If you feel up for it, go for a walk, it doesn’t have to be far. I find that I instantly feel calmer after a few deep breaths in the fresh air and a quiet walk somewhere to clear my head. Some days, it’s a struggle to get out the door and all I want to do is curl up, but once I’m dressed and outside, it really does help. If you’re really not up for a walk, even just opening all the windows and letting the air in helps.
Play with my puppy. I have dreamed of having my own Corgi for several years and a few weeks ago was incredibly lucky to finally get one. Nothing is more calming than playing with my lovely boy! Of course, playing with a puppy wasn’t always an option but even before we got Reggie, I’d spend a chunk of time scrolling through photos of other corgis… maybe that sounds weird, but it’s always helped.
A hot bath or shower. Nothing is more relaxing than a lovely hot bubble bath, or if you’re in more of a rush then a shower will still help, at least I find that it does anyway. I like to sweat out all my problems without having to go to the gym!
Deep breaths. This sounds like a given really but taking a few deep breaths and just giving myself a moment to focus is a key part of my day, sometimes several times a day! Try to relax your shoulders, really breath in through your nose and gently breath back in again out of your mouth. Doing this for a couple of minutes is so beneficial for relieving anxiety and stress.
A distraction – like colouring or reading. A simple hobby to focus on, like a good book or colouring something in, is a nice distraction from my anxieties. Watching a film, drawing or painting, anything that you enjoy that will also distract you. Set yourself some time to focus on something else.
Tidy up. It’s so true what they say – tidy space, tidy mind. Unfortunately I often struggle to get motivated to get house work done, even though I hate the mess. It really depends on my mood. I think it’s important not to be too hard on yourself and force yourself to do too much when you haven’t got the motivation or energy, but if you can, tidying up just one room or small space does actually help. Once I get started, I often can’t stop and go full nesting mode! If it feels like too much, I declutter something else, like the photos on my phone or a small task like clearing out my purse. A small victory in the day to be celebrated!
Speak to a friend. Sometimes it’s hard to talk about your problems, I know that for a fact… but it does help. Even if you don’t talk about what’s bothering you at first, just reach out for some communication and a good laugh. Talking about your concerns can follow later.
Make plans. I’m terrible for making plans and then sticking to them but having something to look forward to always gets me through anxious times. It helps to focus on something that will be happening after you’ve faced your demons, or whatever is worrying you.
Drink water. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate – you’ll feel so much better! Being dehydrated makes me feel so unwell, which I’m turns makes me panic more. Just drink your water!
Write it all down. This is something I’m still working on. I struggle to communicate my anxieties, because a lot of the time I don’t actually understand it myself. I don’t know why I’m in a blinding panic, I just am. Processing it by writing it all down instead is super helpful, I just seem to forget this and bottle things up instead!
I hope you’ve found these helpful, let me know in the comments what you do to ease your anxiety and get you through the day!
There is nothing that completes a road trip more than a good playlist. The music you have on during a long journey can really either make or break trip.
Of course, everyone has different tastes and therefore different opinions on what constitutes an awesome playlist, but these are my personal top tracks and the reasons behind them.
In no particular order:
Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody
Okay, come on, we ALL know the words to this one right?! This song is totally infectious and an undeniable classic. One of my favourite road trip moments was driving through the Lake District with a car full of friends – after a VERY long day sat in Bank Holiday traffic. We were having a bit of Queen run on the playlist and this came on, we turned it up full blast and all belted it out word for word, all the while passing by the beautiful scenary, head banging away. It was pure brilliance.
Maroon 5 – Moves Like Jagger
This song brings back memories for me of a family trip to San Francisco, rather than an actual road trip, but it’s a great song and so I thought I’d still include it. The trip was around the time that this first came out and I was totally obsessed. My mum and I were stood in a tacky souvenir shop when it came on over the speakers, I danced along without a care in the world and from then on my mum always tells me how it’s my song. It makes us both think of each other now, which I think is sweet so when I am on a trip away from home listening to it… I’m reminded of family.
John Denver – Take Me Home, Country Roads
“Almost heaven, West Virginia…”
The lyrics and mellow beat to this song really make me reflect on days on the road, and how bloody lucky I am to have seen some of the places that I have. It’s almost a sad song really I think, but I have so many treasured memories that this conjures up, that it’s impossible not to belt it out! West Virginia is definitely one of my favourites and oh the memories from there… including moonshine tasting, which is mentioned in the song! If you’d like to hear more about my West Virginia stories then well, you’ll need to follow my blog.
Whitesnake – Here I Go Again
The ultimate solo travel song! Listening to this now makes me feel like I’m gazing out of an aeroplane window, off on another adventure, all alone. I might now know what’s to come, but I sure know where I’ve been! Plus, it’s an absolute classic tune, so what could be better? Sing it with me… “Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.” If you’re ever travelling alone and feeling a little lost, like you’ve made a terrible decision to go it alone, or just generally a bit lonely (let’s not pretend it doesn’t happen) this is the song for you. You’ve got this.
Fleetwood Mac – Go Your Own Way
This song gives me similar vibes to “Here I Go Again”. Sometimes you just need a reminder that you’re on the right path and sometimes that can mean leaving people behind too. This song to me always felt like letting those people go, knowing I’ll be just fine, but also a reminder to yourself to go your own damn way. Another “you’ve got this” tune. It’s got me through some tough times for sure but it’s also an absolute jam for a road trip.
Frank Sinatra – Theme From New York, New York
I’ve been lucky enough to visit New York City not once, but twice. There really is no city like it. You know how it is in the movies? It’s literally like that, you really do feel like you could be in a movie whilst walking the streets there (or maybe it’s just me and my overactive imagination). Frank Sinatra describes the feeling to a tee in this classic tune. The first time I was there, I’d been staying in Newark and got the train in, where the station exit then takes you right in to Times Square. It was a Saturday night, so you can imagine the hustle and bustle, I felt like I should be in my own video montage, with this song blaring in the background. It was an increcible feeling and I’ve never felt like that arriving in to any other city.
Bruce Springsteen – Born To Run
I’m sure this song has featured on many road trip playlists, as it is yet another classic. The words “born to run” really hone in on the feeling of wanderlust, like you are literally born to be on the move and always exploring. For a long time this song really resonated with me, as I felt I’d never be able to settle and nowhere ever really felt like home… this has changed for me now, but it’s still a good jam!
AC/DC – Highway To Hell
AC/DC are the absolute best band, and I dare you to try and fight me on that! No kind of playlist is complete without at least one of their tracks. Our tour guide played this to us as we entered Las Vegas and it was one of those awesome moments of togetherness, and sheer excitement to be somewhere so special… before the carnage ensued! Hell of course is a good place in this context, no one wants to feel like they’re in actual Hell when on a road trip.
Rusted Root – Send Me On My Way
One of the purest and most memorable moments while travelling in New Zealand for me wasn’t any kind of adventurous activity, in fact I don’t even remember where I was when it happened. I was on a hop on/off tour bus and this song started playing. The whole bus, or at least everyone in my vicinity, lit up and sang and danced along. It was such a moment of joy for me and it’s really stayed with me, it really summed up travelling and meeting new friends, just feeling carefree – it’s a memory and feeling that I’ll definitely treasure.
Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes – Time Of My Life
To be honest, I think this one goes without saying. There’s no specific reason behind this other than I’ve had the absolute time of my life on many road trips and hopefully many more to come! Plus, I think you’d be lying if you say you don’t know all the words… Forget wanderlust, this could be love!
Bonus Tracks! Sorry, there’s just too many good songs… let me know in the comments if I should do another post like this!
SIX60 – White Lines
I’ll forgive you if you don’t know this one, but I would urge you to listen to SIX60 on repeat as soon as you’ve finished reading this post. I was introduced to SIX60 a few days before New Year’s Eve whilst travelling the South Island in New Zealand. There was a lot of talk about how to spend New Years and where the best place to be was. I was due to be in Wanaka and had NO idea what to do, to the point that I considered rearranging and heading to Queenstown. I felt like it needed to be epic so when I was told there was a music festival near Wanaka, I was quite interested. There’s this Kiwi band ringing in the new year, you should definitely check it out, I was told. It wasn’t pricey at all and so a few of us that had met along the way went for it – there’s a whole other story to this but I will say, it was SO worth it and I’m glad I didn’t change my plans. The midnight fireworks went off, we did the countdown (yep, the wrong way round) and then this song played. Now I’m always reminded of the amazing times I had in New Zealand and to be honest, I can’t do any journey without giving it a listen!
The Bellamy Brothers – Let Your Love Flow
I don’t have a story behind this song really, it’s just a pure feel good song that I wanted to end the post with!
I hope you’ve enjoyed my picks for the ultimate road trip playlist, you can listen to all the tracks below. See you again soon, happy travels! xo
This post contains links to outside websites but these are not affiliate. All views are my own, I’ve not received any type of payment for this post – but if Trek America wants to hit me up then I’m down!
For someone who has always wanted to travel the world, I’m not particularly comfortable on any mode of transport. To be honest, that’s putting it mildy. I hate to drive anywhere new, especially if the roads are busy, I also hate being a passenger when someone else is driving. Flying is completely mind-boggling and utterly terrifying, and I generally won’t even consider getting on most types of boat. I have done it, but I don’t like it. Trains are about the only thing I don’t mind for some reason.
All that being said, I’ve always understood that to get anywhere I’ve always wanted to go… I usually need some kind of transport to get me there, probably a plane. The fear never goes away but I try not to let it stop me.
You can imagine though, with flying already on my long list of fears, going it alone makes it even more terrifying.
A young couple were sat next to me on the 11 hours or so flight from London to LA. They made polite small talk when we first boarded and then cuddled up together, while I kept to myself and tried to relax. I’d been having nightmares for weeks about the journey, but a short while in to the flight, I managed to doze off – still clutching my drink. Luckily, this was before my coffee drinking days and it was only a glass of water, as I ended up throwing the whole thing all over the poor guy next to me. I must have been having another one of my said nightmates, as I jolted myself awake, of course holding on to my cup of water… I was mortified and it certainly didn’t help with all the anxiety bubbling up inside me, but the couple were very sweet and made sure I was ok. Plus, I suppose it’s quite funny looking back on it!
Other than that, the flight was thankfully uneventful and there was no need to put the safety instructions I’d memorised to any use – not that I’d be any good if there was an emergency, as I’m sure I’d full on panic and do nothing. I imagine I watched a few films, although I don’t remember that detail now. I just remember landing in LAX some time in the evening, relieved to get off the plane, but still filled with the terror of what I was embarking on. Things were about to go downhill too.
The Trek America trips start at various “gateway” hotels in the departing cities and when you book the trip, there’s an option to stay there the night before the trip starts, as they tend to start early in the morning. Trek America can even pair you up with another solo traveller, either on the same trip, or another trip, to keep the cost of the room down – damn single supplements!
The gateway hotel in LA at the time of my trip was called The Hacienda. From what I gather this doesn’t seem to be the case anymore, although I could be wrong. The hotel was only a couple of minutes drive from LAX, with a free shuttle service to and from the hotel. You’d think this would have been super easy to use and yet, I managed to make a total hash of it…
I went to the information desk, who call the hotel and request the shuttle to make a collection from the terminal. Then I waited outside as instructed, assuming the shuttle would simply stop… it didn’t. I went back in and told them at the information desk, who tried again for me. It didn’t stop again. I went back inside… you need to wave it down, they told me. Ok, sure, I’ve waved down a bus at home before. I went back outside, waved the shuttle down, and guess what? It drove past me again. Short of standing in the middle of the road, I didn’t understand what more I was supposed to do and by this point I’d been waiting for easily over an hour, beginning to despair. The trip was off to a total disaster and it hadn’t really started yet. This clearly was an awful idea, I should just pay for a flight home now, I thought to myself, close to tears.
I approached a couple of taxi drivers, desperate to get to the hotel and willing to pay anything they requested… no one wanted to take me, which I still find surprising because I was practically begging them to take my money. I got the impression they didn’t want to rip me off as they kept saying I was better to take the free shuttle, so I guess it was kind but I was desperate to get out of the damn airport.
The hotel was close, but it wasn’t walkable. The roads were busy and several lanes wide, and this is before we all had google maps readily available on our phones. In fact, I barely had wifi for the entire trip – hasn’t technology come far in just 8 years?!
So, I stood outside in utter panic. I’m never going to get there, I kept thinking to myself. Then, by pure stroke of luck, I overheard a family discussing the hotel they were staying at… it was the same as mine! They were waiting for some more family members to arrive and then jumping on the shuttle, hallelujah! It’s so unlike me to approach a group of total strangers, but I was honestly desperate by this point. Plus, they seemed friendly. I explained my tale of woe, and asked if I could wait with them. Of course, they said, but they were going to be waiting for another couple of hours. I honestly didn’t care, knowing that the shuttle wouldn’t drive past a much larger group. The hotel can’t have been popular as there were no other shuttles in the time I waited with the family, who were a chatty Eastern European bunch. When the rest of their party arrived at the terminal, someone requested a shuttle, which arrived and actually stopped. I was finally on my way, completely exhausted after the journey and slightly passed caring enough to be nervous anymore.
The drive to the hotel was so quick, I couldn’t beleive it, I’d waited so unbearably long for a 2 minute or less drive. I was SO grateful to that family and for fate to bring me a group going to the same place, or perhaps I’d still be trapped at LAX to this day.
Upon arriving, I checked in straight away and was informed that my room mate was already there. My stomach twisted. I wondered who it would be, what would they be like, what if they’re really annoyed about me arriving so late… Mainly I hoped it was someone due to be on the same trip as me, and friendly enough that I could stick with for at least the start of the trip.
For the sake of anonymity, I won’t use full names. The girl in the hotel room was “S”, a young German girl and very sweet, thankfully. She’d put the lock on door so when I first rocked up, I couldn’t get in, but she’d stayed awake waiting for me and jumped up to let me in. She greeted me with a huge grin and was chatty straight away, automatically putting me at ease. I was so relieved, this is all going to be fine now, I thought. I never actually told her how much she really did calm me down that first night and how much I appreciated it, I wasn’t particularly open about my anxiety then.
“S” had been an au pair and was doing a bit of travelling in America, I can’t remember why she wasn’t going home for Christmas but there must have been a reason – I really should have kept a journal so I could remember these smaller details. (If you’re thinking on booking a solo adventure like this, I implore you to keep a journal.) I do remember saying up chatting for a short while, before FINALLY calling it a night, now full of excitement for the trip to begin.
My memory of how the next morning exactly played out is obviously quite hazy but we were up early, as we had to join the trip for 7.30am. I was sorting my suitcase and found a card from my mum. She’d snuck it in there without me realising and had written to me about how proud she was, I was close to tears reading it but I took a deep breath and gave myself a minute to appreciate how far I’d come. I still have the card to this day.
S and I went downstairs and met the rest of the group together. Besides the tour leader, there was just one guy out of the whole group, we’ll call him Dutch, because he was. There were another 2 German girls, a Canadian, an older Japanese woman, I was the only Brit and the rest of the group were Koreans. I was suprised to be the only Brit, having been told it’s common to have mainly Brits in the groups, but I wasn’t bothered. Everyone was baffled that I’d chosen to be away from home for Christmas, as they were all studying in the States, or already doing some kind of travelling and wouldn’t have been home anyway.
The tour leader, “C”, was a guy in his later 20s and exactly what I’d imagined. He had perfect teeth and a wide smile, enthusiastic and wearing a baseball cap. I distinctly remember being relieved that I didn’t find him attractive, because I was NOT ready for anymore guy drama. I’d left behind my worries of the guy who ghosted me for Australia, as well as an on/off ex that had crept back in to my life somewhere along the way. Say it with me: no more guy drama!
The group was briefly acquainted and there were formalties such as recording travel insurance info, then “C” handed us our itineraries. It was in that moment that I knew this was about to be the time of my life.
Screenshot of my FB post, having just received the itinerary – the last bit of WiFi for a few days!
I vowed several years ago that I wouldn’t bother making resolutions at New Year anymore, as I often set myself up for failure and disappointment. However, I do always find that you can’t help but to reflect at this time of year, hit refresh, and set a few goals.
You may or may not know, that the main reason for my recent absence from blogging is due to having not long moved house. My boyfriend and I bought a lovely new place together but, there was a gap in moving from the last place in to the new one – with it being a busy time of year in general, and still going to work full time, things have been a little bit up in the air! Now that we’ve been in a few weeks, busy making it our home, and in to the New Year, I feel like I can get back in to a routine again and set some goals for the next 12 months and beyond. So, hello, again! These are the 8 things that I would like to acheive, or work towards, this year:
Write more. I have always enjoyed writing, hence starting this blog. However, I put it off for far too long to now end up quitting, or not give it the effort to keep it going! Not that I’ve wanted to quit, but unfortunately, when life gets busy, it’s the first thing to let slip. I want 2020 to be the year I develop as a writer and a blogger.
Read more. As a kid, if I wasn’t scribbling down my own random stories, I had my nose in a book instead. As life got busier, it wasn’t just writing that went on the back burner, my tendency to read diminished also. I often find I’m too tired now, or it’s just easier to stick something on the telly instead and not have to think too much. How lazy is that?! However, my collection of books keeps growing and I owe it to them to get them read! I’d like to finally make sure I set aside time in the evening to read, instead of sitting on my phone… it shouldn’t be a challenge, but unfortunately, I think it could be a tricky habit to break.
Worry less. This doesn’t really need explaining does it? I worry far, FAR, too much and frankly, I need to chill out a little. I’ll never not be a worrier I don’t think, but it’d be nice to learn to try and just let things go a bit more, and not care so much about what others think.
Walk 1000 miles. Country Walking Magazine do this every year now, but this is the first year I’m giving it a proper go. I often do a few miles at the weekend, but doing 1000 in just a year might be a challenge. I’ve done 8 so far, so at least I’ve now made a start. In fact, I’ll be keeping track on social media with the tag #walk1000miles for anyone who is interested.
Get a dog. Now that we’re in a bigger house, and can actually be home more, this WILL be the year we get a dog. It’s not even an option anymore, I need a pup in my life!
Look after my health. I know for some people, this might not be something you need to actually work on, but for me, it’s something I haven’t been overly great at for the past couple of years. I let stress get on top of me, I don’t eat enough veg, and I definitely don’t have a good skincare routine. As I’m getting older, I’m realising that I take my health a little for granted perhaps, so I would like to work on that this year and we’ll in to the future.
Drink more water. In the same context of looking after my health, I must drink more water. I actually only ever used to drink water during the day and rarely anything else. Then a couple of years ago, I started drinking coffee… Since then, if I’m thirsty, I end up making another coffee, instead of just having water. Lately, I’ve been feeling really dehydrated, and well… that’s just no good is it?!
Get organised. My biggest challenge of all, and to be honest, probably my resolution every year since I was old enough to need to be organised for myself… I am not organised, plain and simple. I buy a diary every year and never use it, I double book myself constantly, I’m always late and just generally never prepared. It’s time to improve – I won’t say it’s time to change, because to be honest I don’t think I ever will, but I can at least TRY to be more organised!
So, there we have it, in writing, the things I would like to achieve in 2020. It feels like more of a commitment if it’s written down, or is that just me?
I’m already off to a good start, so I feel like this year could really be a good one! If you’ve made it this far, please do let me know your goals for this year in the comments and see you again soon!
This post contains links to outside websites but all views are my own and I’ve not received any form of payment for this post – however if Trek America wants to hit me up then I’m down!
In 2012, I travelled alone for the first time. I cannot explain how much of a big deal this was for me.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve spend most of my days crippled with anxiety and yet with a yearning to see the world, for a carefree life. I’d stumbled upon the Trek America site a couple of years before and when I told my Mum she was as flippant as always, “yes it sounds lovely, but you won’t even go to the shop round the corner alone”, or words to that affect. She wasn’t wrong. We’d played this game many times before, me telling her I was going to do something wild and outrageous, travelling solo somewhere, anywhere. She’d nod along for the most part and then bring me crashing back down to reality, reminding me of the panic attacks I was having day to day just going about my mundane life. This went on for a considerable amount of time, all throughout my teens and in to my early twenties, when I then started seeing a guy who was planning a one way trip to Australia. To my suprise and glee, he asked me to go with him,
I’d been saving money anyway for my own daydream life of a travelling Wonder Woman, so I didn’t need to scrimp much more together. As the trip approached though, I needed just a bit more time to save and so I asked this guy, could we delay for a month or two? I don’t remember exactly what was said but he wasn’t particularly impressed. Looking back now, I can see why his reaction wasn’t what I expected, however he esentially turned quite nasty, before ghosting me altogether and leaving for Australia without much of a trace. I’d had my share of heartbreak already but this was quite a sting and honestly that fiasco could be a whole other blog post.
Not long after though, as I dusted myself off and prepared to just get over it, it dawned on me that I never really wanted to go with him anyway. Australia wasn’t really high on my bucket list at this point – America was the place I wanted to explore the most, after a taster with a school trip to Washington DC in 2010 and then a family trip to San Francisco in 2011. Plus, we’d not been seeing each other that long and I knew deep dwn it would have all gone tits up quite quickly anyway. I pondered all this for some time while going about life as usual. I can’t remember exactly when I ended up back on the Trek America site, or my exact process of getting to the point of booking, but after trawling the site and memorising all the itineraries, I landed on a short 10 day trip over Christmas, as that was the easiest time to get off work. Plus it wasn’t too long that I might freak out and not go, but long enough that it still seemed enough of a break and adventure.
Wild West.
Looking online now, the exact trip doesn’t seem to exist anymore but it started and ended in LA, and included two nights in San Diego, a visit to the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, a night in a cowboy camp, Route 66 and Christmas waking up in Death Valley. Incredible right?
I remember the moment that I clicked the final button and the trip was definitely booked, I felt like there should be some kind of ceremony and fireworks, but nothing happened. The world kept spinning, and yet something for me felt like it was going to change forever. At the same time, nothing really felt real yet, I carried on at work like normal for the next for the next few months, saving up every penny for the time of my life and telling everyone all about this adventure I was embarking on. Everyone was encouraging, although I think most people couldn’t grasp the fact that I was going away for Christmas but for me that wasn’t an issue at all. I was ecstatic and the time of year wasn’t even a factor. Most people I told were also amazed at how brave I was to go alone, although honestly it really niggled at me as, being hard on myself as ever, it felt like this was merely a tiny stepping stone to some real travelling.
The tour was due to depart in LA on an early morning and so I flew out the day before. Not before getting absolutely wasted on a night out with some friends though, dressed in American flat patterened clothes, as a mini send off!
That night out kept me sane, I’d have only sat up all night talking myself out of the trip if I’d been at home.
I remember distinctly arriving at Heathrow Airport, almost sick to the stomach with fear. My Mum and Aunty had come to see me off, my Mum still tells the story to this day – she knew how nervous I was because she bought me a Krispy Kreme doughnut and I couldn’t eat it. Funnily enough though, and what we didn’t know at the time, was that a coffee and a doughnut would become something of a ritual whenever my Mum and I were at the start of some kind of journey together. Sadly, my Aunty is no longer with us and this little send off is just something that makes us feel like she’s coming on the adventure too.
Time ticked on and I had to go through security… alone. It was impossible for my Mum to come any further with me and it was at this point that I nearly didn’t go.
My eyes welled up, my heart jumped in to my throat and nausea swept over me. My mum help me tightly and said I had to do this now, or I never will. She knew how devasted and broken I would be if I let my panic control me, yet again. The disappointment in myself would have been completely unbearable. She promised me that I would have an amazing time and she’d be meeting me back at the airport soon to hear all about it, it would be over before I knew it so I needed to go and enjoy it. Take one step at a time, something of a mantra for her and I.
I took some deep breaths and thought of all the times I’d had a panic attack and not gone through with something. All the upset and disappointment over the years, how I’d come so far by even just booking the trip and turning up at the airport. I thought of how I would have to tell all my friends and family that yet again, I didn’t do it.
Shaking and holding back the tears, I did it, I went through security. Another step closer and no one had yelled at me, no one had died. I wandered around the shops on the other side to keep myself busy. I bought a travel pillow in the shape of a dog that looked like mine that had not long been put down. Hot tears pricked behind my eyes that I waited.
I waited.
Then, on Saturday 15th December, 2012, I boarded a plane alone, for the first time.
The plane took off and I couldn’t turn back. Mum told me later on that she’d waited in the car until she knew the plane had actually left, as she was sure I’d come running back out and not go. Secretly, I think part of the reason I didn’t do that is because… how do you even get back out of the airport once you’d passed security? I’d surely have to find someone to speak to, which would cause more stress, may as well just get on the plane by that point!
I settled in for the 11 hour flight as the panic of what I was doing slowly lifted. The first obstacle had been overcome and my adventure was about to begin.
Quick disclaimer: all views are my own, there’s no affiliate links and I haven’t received any kind of payment for this post. I also don’t really have any idea what I’m talking about in regards to films.
In general, I’m not a huge superhero/villain film fan. Contraversial, I know, I’m not even really sure why but I just don’t really like them as a whole. There are some exceptions of course, namely THAT Batman trilogy we all know and love. Each film just got better and better, and I don’t know a single person who can dispute the talent of the late Heath Ledger. His portrayal of the Joker was phenomenal and honestly I never believed anyone could play the role better, I didn’t even bother to watch Suicide Squad. However, when I saw the trailer for this years Joker starring Joaquin Phoenix, I could tell this wasn’t a performance to be missed.
The film has had quite mixed reviews and honestly it did leave me feeling a little mixed up too. Phoenix is utterly incredible, I could never say better than Ledger of course, but certainly up there. They’re both spectacular in different ways: Ledger felt very much like a comic book villain, although I should make it clear that I’ve never picked up a DC comic in my life and I’m purely basing this on portrayals in films. Phoenix’s Joker on the other hand, is like a real life psychopath. The acting was so beliveable in fact, that it was almost uncomfortable, like that really is him and there’s no acting – I think I’d actually be a little scared if I was to ever meet the actor (by any odd chance). When I say uncomfortable though, it’s certainly not in a bad way, but is is almost quite scary.
We start the film with Arthur Fleck, struggling to simply exist in a very cruel world and very much abandoned by society. It’s very easy to feel sorry for him as we learn more and more about the character and his upbringing. Failing as a clown and a stand up comedian, caring for his deluded mother who also abused him as a child, beaten up and just generally trod on by life. He’s understandably very hurt and angry at the world. That is, until he kills for the first time and starts to see his life a comedy, not a tragedy.
“Smile and put on a happy face.”
The film becomes more brutal at this point and it’s harder to relate to Arthur, as he soon becomes simply a cold-blooded murderer, rather than a helpless victim of society. I will try not to discuss any particular scenes and give things away, but as Arthur’s transformation to The Joker evolves, things become more chilling. It all starts with a colleague giving Arthur a gun for “protection” (as you do…). You can’t help but wonder, if people weren’t so flippant about guns, if Arthur hadn’t been given one in the first place, how might this story be different? The simple answer is there’s be no story at all… And so, the juxtaposition to some very real life issues begin. Although the film is honestly beautiful and excellent in more ways than one, you can understand the mixed reviews and emotions.
“They don’t give a shit about people like you, Arthur. And they don’t give a shit about people like either.”
I’ll go back to the point I made of Arthur being abandoned by society here. The character is in desperate need of help with his mental health, however the funding stops so his counselling and medication simply stop too without a second thought. Sound familiar to any kind of stories we hear, almost daily? Maybe it’s just me that thinks it’s a bit of a touchy subject.
“Everybody is awful these days. It’s enough to make anyone crazy.”
As the film draws to an end, Gotham has descended in to chaos. The Joker has become something of a vigilante and the city has become overrun with people in clown masks. Riots ensue and again it’s rather unsettlingly familiar. I’m not going to delve in to any modern politics or anything, seeing as honestly I don’t know enough and at the end of the day, this is actually just a film. Perhaps I’ve just been reading too many fancy critic’s reviews and now I’m overthinking it.
“I had a bad day.”
Arthur has been chewed up, until he’s no longer himself anymore, then spat back out again. He’s now simply… The Joker, homicidal maniac and ultimate villian.
This film is not like any other origin story you may have seen, and apart from the very small links to the DC universe, this could be another one of those “based on true event” types. The Wayne family do feature heavily and have their own important role, but you could be forgiven for thinking that has nothing to do with the Batman story that’s to come, and is just the name of a family. It depends on how you watch it in my opinion.
All in all, the film is beautifully made, incredibly bold, just as it is dark and intense. It’s certainly not to be missed, based on Phoenix’s performance alone, and I’m sure there are many Oscars to be had.
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