Posted in Life

An Introduction: Figuring Out Life

Hello, my name is Katie. I am now 27 years old and I have never really known what to do with  my life.

Well, what do you enjoy? People will ask. I always answer with, travelling. Right, but what else? Well, I guess… watching movies, shopping, but these are just general hobbies. How can I do something I enjoy with my life, you know, like a CAREER?

I see other people enjoying their jobs, albeit I’m sure with their own stresses along the way too, but how did they get there?

I’ve always been a daydreamer and had lots of different ideas about what I’d like to do when I grow up but nothing ever really sticks and I always put off the work in to actually doing it.

I think part of my problem now is that I’ve been in the same job since I was 16 and so now I can’t imagine anything different. It was a complete accident and of course stemmed from the fact I didn’t know what else to do, so… here I am many years later, still stuck.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a muscian or a writer. I had guitar and piano lessons, but hated¬† having to practice and didn’t understand why I wasn’t just able to play like Elton John instantly. Writing stuck with me a long time though. I’d write anything and all of the time. Reading too, I loved books. I would use my five minutes between lessons walking to the next class with my nose in a book. I would write my own short stories and ask my friends to critique me. My proudest moment at school was making a friend cry with an emotional story I’d written The fact I had made someone really feel something with my writing was immense! I published stories online, wrote poems and my own song lyrics, I loved just writing and creating a separate universe to my own boring life.

When it then came to picking A Levels, I had already decided I didn’t want to go to university… but I also didn’t know what else to do, so I thought I’d just study subjects I thought I’d enjoy until I figured it all out.

I accidentally chose English Language, instead of Language and Literature, so there was no creative writing element. Instead, we had to constantly pull apart and find flaws in books that I just wanted to read and enjoy for what they were. Suddenly, reading felt like a chore and writing just felt pointless. Still, I enjoyed creating and dived in to my art A Level instead. The problem was that again, I just wanted to paint and enjoy it, which isn’t what doing the A Level subject is all about. I couldn’t be bothered with any of it anymore after school finished, education had really ruined the enjoyment of anything creative.

I finished my A Levels with less than great grades and still no idea what to do with my life. I actually ended up deciding to join the Army but yet again, I struggled to really commit to working towards the goal. I already had a Saturday job where my mum worked and she refused to let me wallow, so I ended up full time. Ok, I thought, it’s just temporary.

I hated the job and 18 months later, I quit with nothing else to go to. I did get another job part time, but out of fear I also agreed to stay with the original job at the same time. A few months later, I hated the second job and went back to full time with my original job. It’s still only temporary, I told myself. I’ll quit and just go travelling soon.

Fast forward a few years, life changed and evolved but I still stayed with the same company. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate it, but it’s not the creative or carefree life I always daydreamed off. In fact, I couldn’t tell you the last time I picked up a paint brush or pencil, and I write nothing more now than to do lists that never really get accomplished.

Until today.

I have spent years thinking about starting a blog. Researching how to start. Procrastinating, daydreaming of becoming a relevant writer and maybe even one day writing a novel. Just imagine! Well, that’s all I WAS doing… stuck in a fantasy world and feeling like I would never know what to do with my life. Really, it’s been staring me in the face for a long time and I’ve either been too afraid, or busy, or tired, or whatever. Why was I putting it off? I honestly don’t fully know, but after all these years, it’s time for me to take control, so here we are. A new weekly blog of random rambling, reviews and other rather interesting things.

My name is Katie, I enjoy writing and so I should just bloody write!